I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
