You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
