I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
