She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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