We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
