remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...