I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
no, he came in my armpit
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone