East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So many bounce houses so little time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
