Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
