the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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