you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
