What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
