i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
