what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
