if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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