My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
