She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
