i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
