I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
