Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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