I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
