I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
