i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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