she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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