If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
