i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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