what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
