I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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