i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
