"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she told me i tasted like america
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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