just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
