Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
