I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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