Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
