I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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