Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
