hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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