i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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