what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
