Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
