He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
