Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
