Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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