I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
