i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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