I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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