Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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