i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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