I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
