Don't you send me to vm
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i believe in u and ur pee
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
