Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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