lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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