Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
