Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
