I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
