You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
