she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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