Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have demons in me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
