are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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