I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
