If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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