I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
