Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
