Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
