I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
