Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
