8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
