pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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