I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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