youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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