Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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