I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
