I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
