just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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