i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
